Taken from  the UCG College Annual of 1920-21

 

TARDE VENIENTIBUS OSSA

 

General: Avoid your professor. He may not wish to lecture. Never look at the clock before going to lectures. You may hurt the professor’s feelings. He will pardon such attention at the end. Enter the arch cautiously and lightly. You may escape a salute. Don’t study in the library. The silence notice is obviously there for provocation, if you have ten minutes’ grace abuse it. Utter p1atitudes at debates. Some will believe them “sound”. Accept cigarettes with resignation. Give them with philosophic calm: you may get a light.

 

Ladies: If you have a nice face forget about it—-never speak to a man of men—speak of himself. Never think a man innocent till you’ve proved him guilty—then tell him so. If you have any illusions about a man, don’t tell another lady—she may know all about him. If you have nice manners—keep them—if you have not—find them. Don’t he too silly—remain just silly. If you sing do so—in private. If you like a man tell him so he may like you—to like him. If a man tells you you’re the one and only—ask him which only. Read Einstein and, remember, when you think a man is slow you may both be travelling fast.

 

Jibs: Think of the ancient maxim, ‘‘Jibs should be seen not heard.” You may speak to your elders, but remember it is a condescension if they answer you. Remember that you are not even a vulgar fraction but a decimal point. Be unassuming and obsequious; you can be lordly in your second year. Do not give away the game too plainly that you are just released from secondary—we believe this word was originally prison.

 

Lecturers : Remember your own insignificance. The College would exist even without you. Leniency to the fair sex will not make the position more comfort able. We commiserate you, who are neither fish nor flesh—you know the adage.

 

Professors : Ignore your pupils—they may be bashful. Do not answer their salutes but extort them. Be meek—your students will understand your position. Do not come back too soon at the end of vacation. The students may not be expecting you.

 

Officials: Do not believe the notice, when it tells you to “ keep off the grass “— get at the metaphorical meaning.